Yesterday we returned the musical instrument we were renting and said goodbye to my daughter’s music teacher. About a month ago, after much soul-searching, I decided in the best interest of our family we were done with music lessons. It wasn’t an easy decision, I actually believe that almost all children would benefit from music lessons from a young age. I think that it can help develop emotional health, with cognitive and motor skill planning and can be a wonderful skill to take with you through to adulthood. I have played the violin since age 2, the cello and flute since middle school and the piano I taught myself in my early 20′s. And yet, here I am, a mother cancelling her child’s music lessons.
I realized, more than any one thing, the most important things for me are that our family is connected, emotionally/mentally healthy, have faith in God and each other, have secure attachment and have a natural, simple life. When I think about my decisions as a parent so far, the ones that have been made with those 5 values in mind, have been the right ones. As a parent I can’t do it all. I repeat, I can’t do it all. Not only because of the financial limitations, but because of the time and heart/head/soul limitations. I don’t believe it is possible to be pulled in each direction and not have to live with the consequences. I’ve made this mistake so so so many times and no doubt will continue to, again and again and again because I’m a bit slow sometimes! 
People often comment on how I manage to do it all. I won’t lie, working full time, parenting two children with quite significant special needs, being a solo parent, having financial limitations which mean things like eating out/affording childcare etc., aren’t possible and everything is made from scratch to save money, well all these things do presents challenges. But the truth is I don’t do it all. I read recently that the average child here is in 3 extra-curricular activities a week and attends two parties a month. My children do 1 extra-curricular activity and attend 1 birthday party a year. I used to feel a lot of guilt about this, but I don’t anymore. Sure when we meet a friend who tells me their child is interested in piano so they purchased one for $3K I do sometimes think it would be nice to be able to rent a violin for each of my children so I could teach them myself, or I think it would at least be nice to have choices. But the truth is, every time I think like that sometime soon after I’m reminded about all that we do have because of the life we lead. Yesterday I had two reminders. First a parent at my daughter’s dance class complemented me on reading to my son and doing activities with him instead of playing on a device {I didn’t tell her I don’t have any! }, she said that with two children in a myriad of activities, they just don’t have time anymore to read to their children, not even at bedtime because life is just a rush. I told her I thought all parents are doing the best we can and I’ve certainly had seasons of busyness where I’ve had to make tough decisions. I thought about our conversation later and realized we are only out one night a week (for physio) and I guess compared to families with lots on the go, we have lots of time for evenings spent reading, running around at the park, or planting in our community garden (even though it doesn’t always feel like it because I’m baking bread from scratch, trying to get the household chores done, or hanging laundry to dry). Then tonight, when the friend we met was rushing her child to her fourth activity of the day, my two and I were tucked away on a local hiking trail, climbing trees, wading in water and having a great deal of fun as a family. We were relaxed, present, connected and together. I wasn’t waiting for them in a corridor and we weren’t apart again.
I genuinely believe almost every parent is doing the very best they can and as I told that mother at the dance class, we all have different seasons in our lives. In this season of my life my house will never look spotless, there will most likely always be corners that need work and laundry that needs doing. I don’t cook elaborate meals, in fact last night after our long hike we all had beans on toast with an apple and cherry tomatoes, followed by apple crisp. I wanted to play a game with my children, rather than cook.
Our life isn’t perfect. Money is tighter than tight. We stopped music lessons (oh the horror! ). My children have a myriad of special needs {in particular my son}, there are things that are upsetting and painful and worrying. I do often worry if I have enough for them, in fact, I slip into that thinking far too often, but yesterday was a beautiful reminder: we are living a simplified, beautiful life. We are connected, we have faith that we can weather any storm, we continue to attach at a deeper and deeper level. And despite having to be a full-time working mum, which pains me in more ways than I will ever be able to articulate, we have a life where the time we have together is actually together. The mad dash is gone. We’ve downshifted from the busy family life, to a quiet one. We make decisions about things like music lessons that aren’t based on what I/we/society thinks we “should do”, but what is right for us in this season. And while I’m sure there are many more improvements that can be made, we’re farther on the journey than I sometimes realize.
