I was at a meeting recently for a volunteer position I have and the comment was made that everyone that lives in our area is well-off, doesn’t know what it means to have to worry about paying bills and has a large disposable income. Hearing those words stung a bit because it made me realize, how in so many ways, our life here is a bit of a charade.
We are surrounded by two income families {or one generous income and free child-care, aka a stay at home parent}. Two good incomes, two cars, children in a myriad of activities, parents nights out, neighbourhood events that “are only $10 a person, which everyone who lives here can afford”. Neighbours recently asked if my son was interested in attending an extra-curricular activity and I looked into it and it cost $400 for 3 months of lessons. Most children around us are involved in three or more extra-curricular activities, my children are thrilled with our free chess club and swim lessons the couple they think hung the moon treated them to. Most children here have grandparent’s cottages they can go to, mine are thrilled when we have a family slumber party.
Because of my income, our housing costs {which were only marginally cheaper when we were renting} take up a little more than 80% of our income {financial experts recommend keeping that number at no more than 30%}. That includes: mortgage, utilities and housing tax. After that, I have about 20% left to cover: car insurance, petrol, medications {about $100/month}, childcare and food. Needless to say, it doesn’t quite “work” and that doesn’t include the rest: clothing/shoes for the children {I can’t tell you the last time I purchased anything for myself!}, any car repairs/house repair or unexpected bills. This week after feeling so happy a couple of weeks ago that I could pay the fee to park in front of my own home, I found out I owed another $238, because the $130+ I already paid was just to transfer my spot to my name {or something like that}. If it were not for the generosity of friends who can occasionally manage to take my children for me, I would struggle to get to mandatory work meetings which take place approx 2 evenings a month. The cruel fate of solo parenting means not only do you have one income, but you also have to pay for childcare {oddly enough home schooling actually saves me money because if they were in our local school, the before/after school fees would be higher than what I currently pay}.
I’m aware we have less options than most. From their birth brother’s adoptive family to people at work and friends I know everyone around us has more “choice” than we do. Their choices vary, but include the ability to take big vacations, order in food, pay into retirement, have a cleaner, eat out, buy a new car, decorate/renovate their home, shop in one store {without a calculator!}, not make everything from scratch, and allow their children to choose the extra-curricular activities they’d like to do. My choice has included where to cut the budget so that we can purchase medications.
But the thing is, not only do we not look poor to the outside world, but I don’t consider us poor because we really aren’t. Yes, most certainly our disposable income is paltry and at times, suffocating. But we never ever ever have to go without food or shelter, nor do we go without love. Yes, as things break I often can’t replace them. And yes, every penny has to be watched. And yet, we have so much. We visit the library 1-2x a week, we bike ride {bikes gifted from friends}, we head to the park almost every day, we play games and read books for hours each evening, we grow as much of our own food as possible {though in truth, not a lot!}, we give lots of hugs and kisses, we volunteer as a family and I volunteer myself {a role which I’m hoping includes helping to find locally sourced food for very vulnerable people} and each month we find ways to give food to foodbanks and to make meals for someone facing a challenge, we support fairtrade and live out what we believe. My children have my attention, love, committment, respect and devotion. And we three have each other. I’ve learned to make even more frugal meals, I’ve not been too proud to admit to my children when things aren’t possible. And I’ve come to be so appreciative of the little things: the coffee out a friend treats you to, the fresh veg people share, the books on sale from the library that godparents give us, the two cucumbers my mum recently gifted, friendships of blog readers and the biggest blessing, my two children who seem so very content with our life just the way it is.
